Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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