It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
