I can text with my tongue
we made out on top of his cat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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