I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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