We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Barsexuality is the new black.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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