i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
