I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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