i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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