Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
