I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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