I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
