this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
