you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
