just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
