Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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