Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
