What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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