Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
