i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
