so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
