You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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