he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
