for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
