Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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