I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
