Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
