last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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