this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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