Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
