i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
