omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
