Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
