dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
