It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
