i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
