Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
