I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
