Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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