i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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