I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
