Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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