He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
