It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
