He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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