You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
