I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
