Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize