you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
