I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
