Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
