..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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