What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
