Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
