someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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