Umm I'm too high to move.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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