God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
