Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm at about main and main street
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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