i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
