My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
