its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
