My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize