Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
