You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
