I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
