I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
