btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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