how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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