Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
