So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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