Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
