I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
