dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
