omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
