I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
